


It Was The Piano

by freckles_overexposed



Category: Phandom, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Amazingphil - Freeform, Coffee Shop, Cuties, Dan Howell - Freeform, Fluff, London, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phil Lester - Freeform, Piano, Some angst, UK - Freeform, danisnotonfire - Freeform, jaime - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-05
Updated: 2016-01-05
Packaged: 2018-05-12 00:42:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5647642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freckles_overexposed/pseuds/freckles_overexposed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan Howell thinks a lot about having piano lessons. And his teacher will make him realize things that he was never confident enough to think of.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> One of my firsts for Phandom, I hope you enjoy it!

I was long gone when Phil entered my room slowly with a silent knock. The door was open but he does that all the time so I didn’t even bother to look and answered him with a nod. He came closer and started to talk while I was still a little bit lost in my thoughts,

“I find you staring blankly at your wall a lot these days” he said trying to get my attention.  
“…And not just your wall full of colorful stuff and posters, anything in your room really.” He said with a little laugh. And he was smiling. But this usual smile of him didn’t make me happy. Because I know it was a sad smile. I made him worried about me. I didn’t wanted to. Of course I knew when I was a little down, I knew myself, he knew me well too, to be fair. He knew how I was mad about certain things, and having deep thoughts once in a while. But this was not how I usually felt and it was strange to him too. Because it was a new problem to me and I guess, from his friendly eyes looking at me hoping for an answer, even a gesture, it was time to open to him. Like in the end of all my problems. It was like magic how one talk with him made my problems go away. He would be a hell of a healer if we were living in video games I thought …or ancient years.

I straighten up a bit in my bed and put my laptop aside, which I hadn’t paid attention for a long time that I forgot it was there. I gave him a fast look and noticed he was more revealed since I gave him a sign that I was still alive. I looked at him and turned my face to the piano. He was a little confused but he was ready to listen, like always.  
“Since I made that video about that letter to my ‘younger self’ I have this thought of…” I started, speaking very slowly, choosing my words very carefully and trying to come up with a reasonable thought to what I was feeling.  
“Thought of what Dan?” He said, curious now, more than worried.  
“Well…thought of having piano lessons.” I said blinking a few times and turning to him to see his reaction. First he was surprised and then I saw his sunshine-like smile shining with nothing but happiness  
“Dan! I thought something bad was happening. To be honest, I was a little worried…” He said with an excited voice.  
“No it’s really nothing to be worried about but I’m just, you know, a little concerned because especially this year we were so busy that we didn’t have a minute to call our own…” I wasn’t able to finish my sentence because Phil stopped me with all of his goodness and started to cheer me,  
“Come on Dan, I know you like playing piano, I remember you playing it with a glow in your eyes every time you touch it…That passion there, I saw that when I first saw you playing that old song, and I saw it every single time I caught you lost in the sound…Ever since I met you, you wanted to do it. Why not now?”  
I was silent for a few minutes, trying to catch up what Phil had just said. How every word he said was painfully true. And when I managed to collect myself, all I was able to say was “That was very inspirational of you Phil” with a sarcastic voice. He wasn’t surprised of course; he was preparing to leave when he caught me falling back into my thoughts. So instead of leaving, he sat on the edge of my bed and he was so close that I was able to see the details of his shimmering eyes, how they were full of life and shining like they did every day, bringing light to this world, only his, were the light for my world.  
I tried to get back into my room with a blink, ready to listen Phil beside me to give another inspirational speech. This was one of those times when the boundaries between us became nearly invisible and I could feel his breath making me tense and I would study all of his details. Then I would feel awkward because all these feeling that I wanted to avoid was all happening inside me.  
“I don’t know why you have been running from this thought but I would really want you to at least give it a try” He said with a low voice, emphasizing every word.  
“It would also be good for you, to get away from all this for couple of hours and relax, you deserve that…And for me, I would be getting concerts in my house for free” He continued with laughing. His lips were thin and curled up to his cheeks and his eyes were wrinkled, and this way, his way of smiling, always made me smile too. So I had to agree with him.  
“You know I want it. But it’s just a lot of work. I have to find a teacher, check my piano, plan my time and-“  
“You’re still finding excuses”  
“I am”  
“You’re so lazy, you know that right?” He said getting up and fixing his pants.  
“That’s my style,” I said with a fake laugh, also getting up.  
After a dinner with lots of vegetables and even more anime, I was more determined than ever,  
“Okay! I’m gonna do it, starting from this evening, I’m looking for a teacher” I said in the middle of the conversation. He stopped and than smiled at my decision,  
“I’m glad for you” he said and we continued talking about what we could do in the next video for our joined channel.

Couple of days later, Phil barged into the lounge only finding me, very surprising, on the left side of the couch, browsing on my laptop. He was excited and looked very happy,  
“Dan! Guess what I just found out?”  
“What did you just found out Phil?” I said not even trying to sound excited because I thought it was another “interesting” fact about kittens or koalas or some cute animal Phil really liked.  
“Don’t be like that,” he said a little disappointed but continued anyways “I was just talking to Cat and she said one of her friends knows a pianist. And he mainly teaches and she said that she could talk with him”  
“So a friend of our friend knew someone who could play piano? That’s what I’m supposed to get right?”  
“You’re being grumpy Dan, give this a chance!”  
“Okay, fine, I can talk with him…at least” I said. A little worried about finally having the chance to really focus on something I really wanted for many years. But to be honest, being forced to meet a stranger was also worrying and it was always annoying for me, those awkward talks and then having nothing to say so sitting there silently… Even the thought made me feel like throwing up.  
Few minutes later Phil opened the door again and handed me a phone number and told me to call a guy named “Jaime” as soon as I can. Because apparently, he was a famous person around and it was hard to get a lesson from him. But, he could make an exception for me so I decided to call him next day and he answered the phone in the third ring with a loud “Hello! This is Jaime, how can I help you?”  
I was surprised because he sounded very friendly and open. And I bet my voice was very cloudy and cold after him but at least I managed to talk “Hi, I’m Dan…Your friend probably mentioned, I was looking for a teacher...” He continued even friendlier after I introduced myself “Hi Dan! Yes I heard about you, how about meeting somewhere and discuss about your interest and see what we can do about some lessons?” He asked quickly directly getting to the point. I was revealed that this phone call wouldn’t be long so I jumped on the idea, “That would be great! I didn’t want to hold you from your work anyway” I said and we decided to meet Friday after work and have a little chat in Starbucks.

\-------------------------------------

-Friday-  
I was checking myself in front of the bathroom mirror before I went out to meet Jaime. Phil leaned from the door and smiled looking at me fixing my hair and said  
“That was nice of you to call him. I bet this will turn out great.”  
“Encouragements?”  
“Whatever you call it,” He said posturing himself and turning around before saying one last thing. I didn’t saw his face but it was, I don’t know, more silent and calm than it usually was.  
“Have a good time you two.”  
“Thanks” I said while focusing on my jacket and finally getting out of the door. Only to realize I forgot my keys and thinking how stupid I was and how I could get back in without Phil noticing. I turned to the door and I was about to knock when the door opened and I was face to face with Phil. He was startled to see me 2 inches away from his face and all he could do was hold up the keys and say “You forgot them…Third time this week Dan”  
I was a little embarrassed but I was more embarrassed for wanting to stay so close to him, so I reached for the keys not even trying to widen the gap between us and said, “I know… Well I have to go…Thanks” and then turned back quickly and got away to a safe distance where I could murmur myself Awkward…so awkward…these things, they are awkward and you are the reason.  
When I arrived at Starbucks I texted Jaime and found him at the corner with a pen and paper in front of him. I approached hesitantly and waved my hand saying “Hi! I didn’t keep you waiting did I?” He got up and instead of shaking my hand he hugged me and pointed the chair across him saying “ Of course not! Nice to finally meet you!”  
He had an energetic personality, he was always excited, and he inspired from everything. He was also younger than I expected, he had a strong body that you wouldn’t expect from a musician and had a smile that made you want to smile. And not weirdly, that made me think about Phil.  
I told him a little about my life, how I was an “Internet personality” and worked with Phil on the BBC Radio. But for some reason I ended up talking about so many things about my life that I was embarrassed for myself afterwards. Fortunately, he was a chatty man; he was in fact the one who slowly lead me to talking about so many things. We talked about Phil too, how could we not when he was such a big part of my life? In the end, he decided to come to my house, check the piano, and then we were to decide for a day to get my lessons. I couldn’t follow him and haven’t noticed how he ended up with that solution but I had no problem with it so I agreed and we said goodbye. But when I got up, he offered me to walk to the stop together. So I said that would be nice and we started to talk again. But it was like talking to another man. He got a little calmer, it was like he was done with his “work personality” and it was his real form. In the middle of a conversation he asked me something that made me feel like I was struck by a lightning,  
“Is there anything between you and Phil?”  
Yes, we were talking about our channels together and I probably mentioned him in every three sentences but how did he get something from that? We were clearly friends. And I found it normal that we were so involved with each other because we lived in the same house and had a lot in common.  
“Where did you get that?” I said clearly with a cold voice.  
“Maybe you don’t realize but you talk about him a LOT Dan” he said with an understanding smile.  
“That’s because we’re practically the same person” I said laughing, trying to lighten the subject. “We like the same things, we live in the same house, I don’t know at which point it turned out to be like this, but now our lives are so attached, it’s like two freaking balls of string mixed together…there is literally no way of separating one from another”  
He shook his had and said, “Wow, well, sorry I got it wrong”. I shook my head too and we kept walking. When we got to the bus stop he hugged me again like he did when he first saw me and said,  
“Take care Dan, and remember to say hello to Phil from me” with a friendly voice.  
I said, “Thanks, will do” with a little smile and waved him while he walked away.

“He was really sweet actually” I said to Phil while collapsing to the couch behind.  
“You look surprisingly tired considering where you came from”  
“He talked a lot,” I said without giving any details.  
“That could be a reason,” He said slightly suspicious but mainly smiling.  
“He will come here next week you know,” I said trying to see his reaction.  
“Cool, we could have dinner maybe?” He said all calmly without any visible reactions.  
“Okay then, we can close this issue for now” I said with a sigh and reached for my laptop.

It was getting very late when he came to the lounge and said goodnight with a sleepy voice. I loved him in his every special way but I should admit that I most liked him when he saw sleepy; he walked around silently in the room, fixing the pillows and he would be so silent that I could hear his breaths. And when he talked his voice would be low, husky, and in some way, mysterious. It was kind of a habit for us to say goodnight to each other. It looked usual, it felt natural and it made me feel good to being reminded that I was not alone. Especially not being alone and being with Phil. When he sat on the couch with his eyes slowly closing, I couldn’t bear seeing him this tired. I knew he was going to remind me how late it was, and how it would be good for me if I slept earlier. He knew it wasn’t going to work, but he does it anyway, however, he does it without believing it so it’s always me staying on the sofa until 3 am and he already fallen asleep in his room. But this night, I wanted to make him happy so I didn’t let him speak  
“You know what? It’s getting late. Maybe I should sleep too”  
“I really don’t get you Dan,” He said surprised but happy.  
“Come on, you look very tired, we should go to sleep” I said closing my laptop and getting up.  
“I haven’t done anything and yet I’m still tired” He said laughing at himself.  
“Even living is tiring sometimes, it’s something we should get used to,” I said knowing the feeling.  
We walked to the corridor and I followed him to his room and leaned to his door, watched him making his bed to sleep. He looked at me questioningly when he realized I was still there.  
“I was just checking on you, you look like you could collapse every second” I said in one breath to my defense. That was, one of the reasons I was there, still watching him a little creepily. But not everything, I was caught up in a wild series of imaginations where I was getting in bed with him and we were cuddling and falling asleep and my brain was just…not stopping with these dreams, impossible to ignore.  
He got into his bed and said “Goodnight Dan” with his sleepy voice and I turned my back to not show him that I was melting away with that voice so I just said “Goodnight” very quickly and turned off the lights. 

I had to get to my room. I had to forget. I had to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan Howell thinks a lot about about having piano lessons. And his teacher will make him realize things that he was never confident enough to think of.

My room was dark and heavy and I was trying to get used to this when I saw a familiar silhouette in the corner of my room. I couldn’t see his face but I could feel that it was getting closer to me. I thought that I knew this shape, that dark hair, long and thin arms, as well as legs, I knew him but couldn’t say for some reason. He was at the end of my bed when his face finally saw the light and was revealed with a string of light. It was not shocking to see Phil in the middle of the night next to my bed looking blankly at me, or maybe a little kinky, no; he was naked and he was smiling at me, like he was standing there for a long time and watching me. That was shocking. 

I immediately straighten myself covering my bare chest. He laughed at what I did simultaneously sitting on to my bed. As I was trying to figure out what was happening here he slowly came closer and trapped me between his arms. He was not touching me but I could feel his hands getting rid of the cover between us and tossing to the side. I was sitting there, in front of him, almost naked with only my boxer on. He was sitting, no wait, he was settling himself on top of me, now my legs trapped under his legs, he looked at me still smiling. Much of a smirk really, he sat on my lap and hold my hands with his hand one by one so that I couldn’t move them apparently. 

I wasn’t sure what he was doing, all I knew was he was naked, I was about to be, and I didn’t want it to end, not ever and I was ashamed of myself for thinking about…fucking my best friend? I couldn’t believe he was on top of me, studying my face and my body, ever so affectionate and close in years, if we do not count all those awkward and “accidental” touches. I loved the feeling of him, his hands fixing my hair, trailing down my back giving me chills, than a little rambling on my thighs and finally having place on my face. He touched my lips, where I could feel all my blood was flowing to. That touch was seemingly not enough for his little study so he approached and closed the gap between us. His face was not away from mine, neither his lips. Nearly one inch away, but felt like miles. I almost felt his breath merge with mine but he was just staying there. His red lips and his cheeky smile and all of him, revealed, it froze. It was like I was frozen too, I couldn’t move. 

I nearly woke up with a jump. What was that? I thought. It was the weirdest dream I ever had, which included both me and Phil, naked? I was still confused about what it meant, how I was able to imagine such powerful things that it almost felt real? It was so natural when we were in that dream. It felt right and to be honest, I loved the feeling. But now I was in the real world and we were friends I tried to stop myself from thinking what could’ve happened if he came closer and kissed me and…It was like I was trying to not to think about it but it kept going and seeing Phil the moment I left my room didn’t help.  
He looked much better than last night and he had a mug in his hand. He said a quick “Good morning” giving a look at me and his eyes sticking around a little on my crotch area, which I found weird but then realized why when I went to the bathroom.   
After all I went through, I had a bulge, a very visible one, and I had to relieve myself in the shower because I had no intention of going around in the house with that.   
As I imagined it would be, I caught myself looking at Phil blankly a lot today which was not a good sign and I really hoped Phil didn’t notice. But I really couldn’t get my eyes off of him. The way he touched me and the way he looked at me in that dream was something I realized I wanted, and needed so much. I had to think a way of either locking myself into a room before I got mad or try to force myself not to think about it while Phil was 2 feet away from me on the couch and I could feel his existence very painfully. 

Phil caught me staring at him in the kitchen while he was trying to figure out which pasta he wanted to make. I stopped and he asked me without separating his eyes from the boxes   
“Do I have something on my face Dan? You have been staring at me for like ten minutes I am getting worried”  
“Stop worrying about everything Phil I was just thinking” I said with smiling and trying to lighten the mood  
“Thinking about how I looked so handsome?” He said laughing and glancing at me while continuing to read the boxes  
“Of course what would I be thinking?” I said smiling, joining his game.  
“Well while you’re at being amazed by me could you help me choose?” He said approaching and sitting next to me.   
“Anything you say” I said smirking and I helped him choose so we could cook together. We had so much fun cooking together because it would always be more amusing and the meals turned out better when we did them together. It was just another time I was desperate to spend with Phil like every other second of my life. I was again surprised and annoyed because of my feelings. I was able to control myself, at least while I was awake, but I had no control of that voice in the back of my head talking all the time. While we were getting ready to cook, trying to find necessary ingredients in our kitchen my phone started to ring. My plans were destroyed because it was Jaime and I knew he would not shut up. I showed my phone to Phil and said, “Should I take it?” He calmly said, “Go ahead, it may be important.” I was worried he might be a little annoyed so I continued “But…Will you be okay doing this by yourself?” He laughed and said, “Thanks but I know how to cook” suspiciously not looking at me. I shook my head and answered Jaime.  
“Sorry it took so long, what’s up?”  
“I’m glad you answered I have an offer”  
“Yeah? What’s that?”  
“I found an instrument collector near your house”  
“Okay…”  
“I was going to check it and I thought you might be interested”  
I was not sure what to say, we were going to have lunch with Phil and I had nothing planned and especially wanted to stay inside. But I didn’t want to upset Jaime because we just met and to be honest I wanted him to like me, I like to be the good student. He continued when I didn’t respond  
“You know, a good musician should be aware of such things, knowing about his instrument as well as playing it” And I had nothing to say after that because I really wanted to be a good player,  
“Sounds good” I said with a little hesitation  
“Terrific, I will there be around 15 minutes, see you”  
“Bye” I said while looking at my phone trying to figure out what I would tell Phil about this.

I went to the kitchen again but instead of going in immediately, I stood near the door and watched Phil for a few minutes, I didn’t want to sell him out. That was the last thing I would want to do, especially on this day, everything was nice and calm and we had all day for us. But now it was like Jaime was everywhere and too much. I was probably overthinking this and I had to tell Phil before too long. He was humming a song when I approached him. I tried to smile as much as I could and started speaking with no confidence in my voice  
“Um…Phil?”  
“Yes”  
“You know Jaime just called”  
“I know”  
“He said there was a shop I might be interested in to about instruments and he said if I wanted to be a good musician I should check that out…”  
“What are you trying to say?”  
“He is coming in like 10 minutes and I said yes to him” I jabbered quickly. I couldn’t even look Phil because I was sure he was pissed. But I clearly forgot that he had no hatred in that soul of him, he was just rainbows and glitter and I had never admired him that much because all he said was  
“If he says so, it must be true, you should probably go Dan”  
Then he started to laugh because I imagine my face when he said that and if I saw it I am sure I would laugh too. But even after that I said sorry about the meal because I wanted to make sure there were no hard feelings. I was preparing to head out when I saw Jaime’s text on my phone screen. I quickly grabbed my keys, said goodbye to Phil and called Jaime.  
We met on the corner of the street he gave the directions off and started to walk. He was wearing a black leather jacket and a simple white t-shirt that looked great on a man with a good body so he looked really fine. Me, on the other hand, I was just black as always and surprised how Jaime’s fashion sense was that good. He was wearing simple things, but they had no flaw whatsoever and it was obvious that they were all good brands.   
“Are you curious about where we are going?” He said trying to be a little mysterious. He was radiant, as always, and won’t stop talking, which I would pretty much found exhausting but it was whimsically fun and stress-relieving to talk to him.  
“I thought you said where we were going”  
“I mentioned it a little but it’s not all that”  
“Really? Then I’m curious now”  
“By the way, I called in the middle of the day, I hope you had nothing planned”  
“No, no…Phil and I were just going to have something and watch tv, nothing special” I said trying not to mention Phil but failing unsurprisingly.  
“Ah, yes! The famous Phil! I hope he wasn’t mad at you for not staying?”  
“That’s ridiculous! Why would he be? I am not attached to him, I can do whatever I want” I protested, maybe too harshly.  
“Okay, if you say so…”  
“Why are you worried about him anyway?”  
“I don’t want to get in your way…”  
He was being too much. Why would he saying such things? Like there was something going on between Phil and me and he was acting like I liked Phil or he liked me or maybe even more, he thought we were in a relationship. I had to stop that because he was getting out of line and I was thinking about things that I shouldn’t about this matter.  
“Would you stop that? Please? You are talking like there is something between Phil and me! It’s really uncomfortable”  
“I am sorry, I won’t ever say anything but I have one more question”  
“Is it about-“  
“No it’s kind of something else”  
“Okay then”  
“You know what, let’s talk about it when we get out” He said stopping in front of an old and merely high building with lots of windows. It looked nice and on the posters next to it, it said “World’s most distinguish museum for music” with a treble clef. I must admit, it looked very interesting and I was starting to get excited.  
We went in and it was full of old and new and colorful and weird and stylish and all kinds of instruments from all over the world. There were also interactive ones, which I enjoyed the most. We read about them, we played some and it was incredible. I thanked Jaime for bringing me here and he said, “I knew you would like it.” It was like he knew me for years, a little awkward but generally nice.

It was almost evening when we got out. I was surprised how time passed so fast. We walked back to where we met and all of a sudden I said “You know what? We could have dinner at my place” and realizing what I just said I added, “If you are…if you are not busy of course” Fortunately, he was not so I called Phil and said if he could order pizza for three. He responded happily, like he did to every news about Jaime so we started walking to our place, still talking about how that museum was astonishingly enjoyable. 

\---------------------------

I put my keys into the hole and opened the door without force. There was no sound at first, it was not what I expected so I was going to call Phil’s name but there was no need because he popped his head from the kitchen door and welcomed us with a big smile on his face. It was calming to see him happy like this, real kind of happy.  
He went in the kitchen as fast as he got out and we heard some cluttering voices after he said “Coming in a minute!” to us. I invited Jaime to the lounge and Phil came in the moment we settled in the couches comfortably. Jaime stood up to greet him. They shook hands and of course Jaime had to make a comment like “It’s great to finally meet you, Dan told me so much about you!” It is humiliating but I was passed that because I knew Phil wouldn’t mind it, it was me who was uncomfortable with all his. They chatted about museums, music, and the mix of both and other unimportant things. Not too deep, because you don’t go deep when you just met someone. It was kind of weird, if you think about it, I sort of meet Jaime not long ago, but we were already like close friends. I guessed that it was his personality to be naturally friendly and close to people. Even if you just met.   
Phil excused and went to kitchen to grab the plates and the boxes, I looked at Jaime and said, “If it’s not a problem I’ll go help Phil, it won’t take a minute and then we can bog in” making both of us laugh at the same time. After getting a comfortable “Sure” I went to kitchen quickly to have a little moment with Phil. I wanted to know what he was thinking about Jaime. I barged in and instead of helping him I started walking around the kitchen simultaneously talking, if anything it would’ve been better for him if I stayed out of the kitchen.  
“So, what so you think?”  
“About what?”  
“Jaime” I said lowering my tone”  
“Jaime?” He said surprised, like he was hearing this name for the first time. “He’s cool I guess” He continued a while after.   
“You guess?”  
“He looks nice and like a fun person. What else do you want me to say? He’s so handsome that all the girls would fall in front of him?”  
“Don’t be ridiculous” I said laughing at what he just said, trying to shut the voice in my said who agreed with what Phil said about him. “I was just trying to get your opinion, because you know, I’ll be seeing him more often” I said when I managed to catch my breath.  
“Why does it matter Dan? You will just be taking lessons from him. He’s good”  
“It’s just…you know…He’s very friendly and I enjoyed hanging out with him, I’m guessing that will also happen more often” I said a little stuttering. I didn’t know why I was stuttering; it was not like if Phil didn’t like him I would close the door on Jaime’s face. It would be really bad for him, that’s for sure but after all Phil was not the person who could decide who I can hang out with or not. But there I was, standing like a little boy trying to get permission.  
“Whatever then” was all that he responded. He was tense, he didn’t look at me and he was trying to concentrate on the cutting of the pizza in front of him than trying to figure out why I was asking such questions to him. I guessed I could help after all and grabbed the plates on my way out, leaving him bending over the counter all cloudy and serious.  
Ten minutes after we were enjoying our pizza slices while talking about superheroes and villains. I thought Jaime would not be interested in those subjects since he was a respected artist and he would find it “unserious” but he was as enthusiastic as us. I guess these subjects were all same for men. Even if we’re 4 or 24.   
“If superheroes really existed world would be in a mess.” I said in the middle of the conversation. Of course, it started a hot debate.   
“What makes you think that?” Asked Jaime, all kinds of surprised.  
“There would be tons of heroes and if there were powerful heroes there will also be powerful villains. They would make explosive and strong weapons and would just tear the world apart.”  
“Interesting”, Jaime said visibly thinking about what I said.  
“But they would also clear the world from thieves and murderers, and people like that. Think about it! All the superheroes from Marvel and DC! You know what? Even Avengers would be enough” Phil said grinning.  
“But then what? They wouldn’t just sit there and admire what they did. They would start to fight again and it would all be the same. And it’s worse with super villains. Cities get destroyed!” I said emphasizing destroyed specifically.  
“Of course at the end superheroes would win but in that time everything would be torn.” Jaime added. I thought he was in the same page as me but then he mentioned something I didn’t think of.  
“Instead of egoist heroes we need DOCTOR.” He said excitedly.  
We looked at each other and smiled at the thought getting excited like him. He was talking about Doctor Who and to be honest, he was right. I had no problem with superheroes but no one could beat Doctor, obviously.  
“He is kind, intelligent-“ Jaime started,  
“Alone, amusing and most important he cares about everyone.” I continued.  
“If he really existed the world would be so much better” Phil finished.  
I looked around me while they continued talking casually. I was enjoying this meal, with my best friend and I was still unsettled about Jaime. Was he my teacher and I should be more serious and formal? Was he my friend or friend-to-be and we were going have a lot of moment like these in the future? It was all very new and complex for me.  
After the dinner we stayed until 9 and then we showed Jaime out, since he was busy the next day and had to rest. He lightly hugged Phil on the way out and then hugged me I little more tightly. Phil was far from us, far enough that he couldn’t hear Jaime whisper in my ear “You were right about you and him.” He walked away quickly while I stood there for a couple minutes trying to figure out what that meant but woken by Phil’s voice.  
“Why are you still here?” Phil said right behind my ear.  
“I thought I saw something” I said silently, turning to him and staying very close to his chest.  
“What was it?” He said without moving, I could feel his cold body brushing mine, none of us doing anything to stop this interestingly comforting touch.  
“A cat...I think, doesn’t matter” I said, following him up the stairs, to start our evening ritual of hours of browsing and tv shows.  
Phil handed my phone to me after a while it buzzed. I couldn’t be less interested so asked him what the text was. “It’s Jaime” He said opening the screen and reading it seriously. “What’s he saying?” I asked trying not to look interested but cracking up with curiosity and worry at the same time. “He’s just saying he had fun this night and we should do it more often” Phil read. “Anything else?” I asked more relieved. “Not specifically” He said shrugging. “Thanks I’ll reply him later” I said turning my attention back to my computer. “Are you sure? You don’t want to keep him waiting, I guess”   
“A few minutes doesn’t matter” I said not breaking contact.  
“He looks like he doesn’t like to be kept waiting”  
“What do you mean?” It was my turn to be surprise and question. Why would he start to talk like this suddenly?  
“I don’t know” He said not seriously, “He looks busy and he… likes attention” he looked at me to see my reaction and continued quickly “Which is not bad of course, I’m just saying” He finished and handed me the phone. Turning back to his computer. I was not sure he said all he had in his mind but I didn’t want to push him.  
I texted back to Jamie saying Phil and I had fun too and it would be nice to do it again.  
We barely talked with Phil after that confusing conversation until he closed his laptop and said goodnight. I was not feeling like sitting in the lounge alone. Maybe we didn’t talked with Phil but it didn’t felt lonely and I loved that feeling, having someone beside me. 

I followed him couple of minutes later, finding him in his room. I was going to say goodnight but the words became lost as soon as I saw him half naked, wearing nothing but a pajama bottom, his back facing the door. And I stood there, watching him whatever he was doing leaning on something. Unimportant details that I was interested of knowing. All I knew was he was there, pale skin, bare chest, dark hair, all of him with such perfection. But I couldn’t risk getting caught, again. So I cleared my voice pulling myself together as much as I can. He then realized me and turned to me. I mumbled a hurried goodnight and walked to my room, trying not to stare directly to his chest and his flawless collarbones as well as his miraculous eyes. It was going to be a long night for me.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan Howell thinks a lot about about having piano lessons. And his teacher will make him realize things that he was never confident enough to think of.

It was already following week and we were waiting in the lounge together. I was nervous because Jaime could be here in a couple of minutes. Even though I saw him couple days ago in the mall and he said everything was going to be fine and I has nothing to be stressed about. I shoved him a little compilation of me playing the piano and he looked impressed too. But I was being me and I was still worried for no reason. I looked at Phil. He was much calmer and smiling at something on his phone. But then again, he had nothing to worry about, he was going to hang around here for an hour then I would join him. Then our lives would turn to the way it was before, normal. I felt like there was something extraordinary with Jaime, it was extra and more when he was around. It was weird I didn’t like it, but at the same time, it was exciting and tempting.   
The doorbell rang.  
I stood up faster than Phil and ran to the door. He followed me slowly. I welcomed Jaime, they greeted each other with a quick hello and we went to my room. Jaime looked at my piano again, said it was just fine to practice and we sat next to each other. I listened to him while he talked about fingers, notes, clefs, songs, accords and much more. I was mostly concentrated when I was not observing him. The way he talked, the way his blue eyes grew and shrank, the way his red lips moved when he said “piano” and the way he played with his gold hair, his muscles stretching and the plain white shirt tightening. Other than that, yes, it was fine.

In the remaining of the lesson, we played some songs; he showed me the right moves, right notes and the right posture. It was fun to work with him, he was an admirable teacher but maybe so I was a good student. Somewhere along one of Elton John’s songs, he told me to be generous and not to force myself. “Be natural, be yourself” he said when I was being unsure.  
“Give your heart and soul, it’s the only thing that the song needs, it needs to be alive with these” he said when I moved my fingers slowly and looked at the keyboard.  
“That’s how he would be yours, and you would be his” He said when I was already caught up to the song, humming and playing with harmony, not paying attention to what he said.

When we got out of the room after one and a half hour, we didn’t even realized how the time passed. I apologized him for that extra half hour because we talked that it would be just one hour. But his response as” Are you kidding? It was the most fun I’ve ever had in a lesson” So I don’t imagine that was a problem. I was alone when I said goodbye to him. Phil was not around when the lesson was finished. I messaged him to know he was Ok and when he would return from where the hell he was. I was intrigued because I thought he had no plans for the night. But I got a little relieved when he said he just wanted some fresh air and went for a walk.

\-------------------------

We were about to go to the radio when Phil shouted, “Cab arrived!” from the door. I quickly got my stuff and we headed to the cab. The day was hotter than usual and it felt like I was in a little box. Phil and I always sat together in the cab, it was not even intentionally but it was always like that. He also looked sweaty. There were slightly visible drops of sweat around his forehead and his neck. The corner of his mouth, and the corner of his chin, and the place where his pale neck combined with his sharp collarbones. The sweat rolling in slow motion and his bare neck and his bare chest untouched. I realized I was studying him again, very close, dangerously close. I shook my head and tried concentrating on the way. 

“Internet News with Dan and Phil!” Said the woman and that familiar dong voice were heard. We were about to finish the show and Phil was reading something about a dog and a piano.   
“You know guys, Dan has started having some piano lessons too!”  
“Yeah, it’s good, it’s fine”  
“Can you compare yourself with the dog?” Phil asked laughing. His eyes wrinkled and his teeth was showing, the fake glasses made him look hot.  
“Obviously I’m not nearly as good as him…but I’m doing fine, really fine”  
“Say once again and I’ll believe you.” He looked at me like he didn’t think I was fine, he looked at me like there was something suspicious, and the bad thing was that I was, I WAS acting suspicious. I had no intention of doing that, I had nothing to hide from him, but I was acting like it, and it already got his attention.  
I got weirder and weirder rest of the day and at last, Phil wanted to know why.

“Is there something you don’t tell me?” He asked in the middle of our dinner. I knew it didn’t felt like our usual dinner but at least it seemed like it, until this very moment.  
“Why are you thinking that?”  
“You are acting suspicious”  
“I don’t get it”  
“You never talk about your piano lessons with someone, you never even tweeted it”  
“I didn’t feel the need to”  
“I would get if you thought it should be private but…”  
“But what Phil?”  
“…But you talk to me about it! A lot! A lot about him..”  
“Him?” HIM?! Was this all about Jaime? Did Phil thought Jaime and I were too close? I couldn’t understand what he was trying to say. The only thing I got was, one, he realized he said something he didn’t want to and two, he was upset.   
“Phil? Is this about Jaime?” I asked, more harshly than it sounded in my head.  
“No…Really it’s not””  
“Than what the hell is it about?” The words were falling down my mouth way harder than I wanted them to be.  
“I don’t know you’re acting weird lately”  
“You are acting weirdly too!”  
This fight was going to wrong places. It was about me and Jaime, which was a matter I couldn’t even solve myself, forget about trying to convince Phil I was alright. And it also me and Phil, which was all kinds of weird, full-of-innuendo, platonic and it was getting more and more complicated that we couldn’t even handle it anymore. The things we talked about drifted from place to place. We were both tense when I left the room shouting “And by the way, I am way better than you think!” Slamming the door right behind me.

I didn’t know what to do. Unlocking the screen saver, I dial the first number on the list, a number that I overly saw lately; after a few rings and a voice first tired then concerned, I say “I think…” and pause for a minute, trying to gather my thoughts, listening his heavy breaths, “I need you” and waited for him to say something, which is as I expected, non other than that “I’ll be right there”.  
Hanging up and throwing the phone on the bed, I heard the outside door slamming shut. I wanted to get up, and go after Phil, hold his hand, take him inside, take him back to this warm house, the only thing is I can’t, and I didn’t want to think about him, under the rain, going god knows where to get things out of his head. So all I did was to wait, wait for the bell, the sound of Jaime’s heavy boots on the door, and his quick breathing climbing the streets after me, following me to my room. Sitting on the bed, more like collapsing, I couldn’t look at him. He grabbed my face with his hands, lighter than ever, looked at me like I was the only thing that mattered and wiped the tears off with the collar of his soft navy-blue jersey. After few sobs, I was able to look at him, to his blue eyes, nothing but . I lean and touch his face slowly, he is colder than me, his face lightened with my touch, putting his hand over mine, we leaned closer, I felt more of him, a single piece of hair fell in front of his face, fixing it up and seeing him again, he decided that it was too long and it was too poignant. He grabbed me and pulled me onto his arms, our lips colliding in the middle of this union, I didn’t resist, I gave up, while he put his hand on my cheek, I felt his cold hand again, more passionately, we kissed, until,   
Until I saw Phil’s blurred face at the door, and then it disappeared. I backed up and pushed Jaime, also shocked and confused he stared at the door too. I couldn’t be sure if it was real or not so I ran to the door and opened it swiftly, the light of the lounge was open and there were noises coming thorough the lightened room. I peeked my head through and saw him. Phil was sitting on the sofa and staring at the window, for a moment he didn’t realized that I was there, and for a brief moment he looked at me, the most disappointed and hopeless look I ever saw on anyone’s face, it shattered me inside when I saw it on Phil’s face, the look of despair and regret on his eyes. I walked up to and sat next to him. He straightened and hugged me and finally, Jaime busted in. But he wasn’t angry, he wasn’t frustrated, he sounded like he just discovered something, something he already new but couldn’t get himself to say, or believe.  
“I knew it” he said looking directly at me, and then Phil, “I knew exactly what this was” pointing at us, now separated and looking curiously at him Phil glanced at me like I new something, but I didn’t, other than the fact that I would prefer Phil’s arms over my life instead of Jaime’s lips.   
“I asked you Dan” he started, “I asked you if there was anything and you said no, you f-king said no”  
Now I knew what he was talking about and I pretty much guess what was about to come too, but I would never knew exactly and Jaime, he surprised me well.  
“But I still knew you had something for him. And Phil, you were never in the shape to deny it…Guys, if, if you once had the chance to see yourselves when you look each other, if you could see the way your eyes shine and your lips curve up and your hands sweat and your tongue tie and actually accept your hearts pumping through your chests faster then ever, even if it’s a millionth time, if once you realize that this is not a normal part of your life together, but something more special, something extraordinary and something that you shouldn’t ever ignore in your lives. And I don’t know how I feel about being the person that made you realize this but I hope you don’t waste this chance, because, the thing you have, is once in a life time.”  
And we look each other, for the first time ever, after this moment, I know nothing will ever be the same, and I couldn’t be happier about. Time is over I think, a new era begins, no boundaries, no chickening out, no denials, just him, and me, and embrace my feelings, I love the way I feel, larger than ever, happier than ever. And I see Phil, smiling at me, a surprised smile, as he stares at me, I once again realize his beauty, his pale neck, his pink lips and his blue eyes, my favorite things to look at, more precious than anything, and I love him. Then I realize, it’s no more a secret, it doesn’t need to be hidden, not anymore, “I love you” I say, and I’m not afraid of the answer, I fell into his arms and we hug, drifting and colliding, “I love you too” he says, all the things I want to hear in three simple words;  
I love you…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this mess I hope I will get better soon at these :) and all kinds of support is appreciated I'm so happy to be in this fandom!


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